[self-doubt]
HUAAAA...
At March 31st, I was starting my
EAP (English for Academic Purposes) due to my plan to continue my postgraduate degree. It holds Monday to Friday and 4 hours in minimum for each. This is quite a hard adaptation because I get used to wake up not too early in the morning. HeHeHe... So, this is the reason why I can't post anything or blog-walking. *sigh*.
Back to the EAP.
Previously, I had put myself on IELTS test. I put the requirement as my goal, not too optimist actually because I have serious problem in grammar. Even one of my friend said implicitly that it is better for me to not post any blog because it would be a shame or sort of.
Anyway, I got a little more than what I need. Lucky me.
Therefore I only need attend a 6 weeks EAP, and can enroll my postgraduate degree afterwards. But, after weeks, guess that I am not that lucky.
Several tasks have been done, and the teacher put quite lot comments. During the speaking session, I am not as fluent as my colleagues. Writing? Jeez, a mess!
That's why...
Maybe it would be better if I attend the 3 months or 6 months class? So I could learn more and more? To improve mine.
The other thing is I already accepted in my targeted faculty. It is great! Really.
But, at the same time, I have to prepare a lot!
My estimated date arrival is on May 21st 2008. It means, I only have less than a month!
I have to prepare all the things. From personal belongings, selected books, which I will bring with and find accommodation. I also have to hangout with friends because I don't really have plan to go back before graduation. Gosh...
And I doubt my capabilities... I really do.
Self-doubt mode ON...
Guess that it relates to my tendency to be a perfectionist. Unfortunately, I am not a kind of dilligent one to reach the perfection. What a life!
Hmph...
Instead of all of those things, I feel motivated to go as soon as possible, because I really want to have a new experiences. Come to a new place offers great experiences that money can't buy. Not only for travel, but also observe the other part of the world. To see and to feel. To communicate and make relations which hopefully can reduce our stereotyping point-of-view and throw-out our narrow-minded brain.
Exhilarated and frightened at the same time!
*Picture was taken from Microsoft's Clip Art.
Keep on reading...
[thanks a lot]
Nothing to say except:
Thank you GOD...
My life ain't perfect, in fact it is hard. But, day by day I learn that my life is full of great things. Really!
Hmph, really... I don't have any intention to be too religious since I am not. But, really... I don't have any words.
Happy Easter to those who celebrated it. May peace be with us :)
*Image was taken from Microsoft's Clip Art.
Keep on reading...
[world silent day]
Today, I got few messages on my YM!, it reminds me to support the World Silent Day.
What is that? As it says in the
WSD's blog, it inspired with Nyepi Day (Silence Day in English). Nyepi Day is a Balinese ritual to celebrate Caka New Year. A celebration for Hindu people in Bali, which falls on the 9th New Moon (Tilem Kesanga) in the Balinese calendar. It is the time to do
self-reflection. To do nothing except fasting and
meditation. It prohibits any electrical usage, even it is only a small lamp in the night. Do not work or even go out and play. Further information can be read in
Wikipedia, though most people say it can't be used as an accurate reference, at least it helps a lot.
Back to WSD.
This program evokes us to:
SWITCH OFF ELECTRONIC APPLIANCES FOR FOUR HOURS on March, 21st 2008 at 10.00 AM to 2.00 PM
Of course with exceptions for hospital and other similar things.
Yupes, it means no computer usage and so we can not blogging. HeHeHe...
As what we expected. This campaign is a support reduction in CO2 emission, to reduce global warming. Which at then end, help the earth and ourselves! As what UNFCCC tries to get whole world's commitment and action.
It is not only 4 hours, it is bigger than that. It will held in workday. Based on my own experiences, Friday is the busiest day together with Monday. On Friday we have to catch up to finished all the important things which usually nothing is unimportant, unless we have to postponed it to Monday.
Imagine, a factory where each minute does matter for both employees and employer. Or, for us who get used with electricity. It is hard, at least for me, to not open my mobile phones for certain period of times. In fact, when I woke up, I plug off them from chargers and turn it on. Just wandering whether there are new informations or just a simple salutations. It seems I get addicted with electricity, though I still in love with books!
The electric usage and global warming are in the devil's wheel. The global warming increases the temperature, so we have to deal with it. The famous option is using air conditioner (AC), which produces the Co2 emission and at the end "supports" of the global warming.
Anyway, let's start to help ourselves. It takes 4 hours only.
Hope there are a lot of people from all over the world support this and act.
Hope that there are a lot of companies put this campaign seriously.
Hope that they will support this and make it happens without give any additional working hours to their employees or an excuse to cut the salaries. HeHeHe...
Keep on reading...
[support for addicts]
Narcotic has been a social problem all over the world since very long time ago. These days a lot of people are saying "Say NO to drugs", supported by various organizations. How serious this problem can be seen with organizations which focused on this matter. Let's say
UNODC,
The Foundation for a Drug-Free World or even
YCAB in Indonesia. There also organizations who put anti-drugs as one of their concern though not the biggest goal,
WHO for instance.
The drug problem has effects on HIV/AIDS or addicts education. Another thing is whether it is right or not to put addicts into criminal jails. Not only because of the rumor which said jails are great transaction places, but also because, at least for me, addicts aren't the bad guys. They need help instead of physical punishments. I do believe that
behaviorism theory plays important role in community. We have to give reinforcement in order to get proper behavior, though in my own opinion, this theory degrade the human being existence. I see
social punishment as a great one. It has great impact to one's life, it can "healed" or "killed". It has to be used wisely.
I want to point out that people tends to blame everything to the addicts. I know that what they did was wrong, totally wrong. But, it is not really fair to put all the blames on them.
I see it as a matter of expectations. My senior, who live nearby, was an addict. He is a bright guy. Until all of sudden, at least for me who only a stranger, he deported to an overseas rehabilitation center. And his family sold their house part by part to their neighbor.
He fell because he frustrated. He failed on the national exams to enroll in the public university, even he has great score and he got various acknowledgments for his capabilities. Whenever we heard such a case, we have tendencies to say "Jeez, how stupid he was" with various words.
But then, for me, it is a camouflage. Such like a defense mechanism.
We tend to see the falseness in others to protect ourselves on seeing ours.
We always use the mechanism, as a matter of fact, we live with that. In my own opinion, this is (addictive behaviors) a result for expectations. In the case, He felt useless since he failed to fulfilling the expectations. His own and his family, or even the people around him. The failure broke his self-image, the concept which he holds for years.
I agree that maybe he doesn't have a strength, skills to deal with failures. But, don't people say that there wouldn't be any smoke if there wasn't any fire? Parenting has a very crucial role to everyone. I see that parents have tendency to try their best to fulfill all their children needs and wants. It is great actually, really great. I adore how my parents can handle that.
It is hard to be parents. How to be a life-time supporter for the children but keep on saying the truth. How to be a great sponsor, but at the same time not being indulgent. Unfortunately, there still no certificate of parenting. We, colleagues in psychology, always talk about this. And still, we always have the same result, the more we learn about parenting with its effects, the more we afraid to do something wrong.
Last, but not least, let's support the say-no-to-drugs actions. And, it is not only the person's responsibility, or even its family. It is all of us!
*Image was taken from UNODC.
Keep on reading...
[mathematics of love]
In the last two weeks, I watched
PS. I Love You and
27 Dresses in the theaters with my friends. Both of them talk about love and
relationship in general. Yupes, the very favorite topic but never bored the viewers.
Both are romantic-comedy films. 27 Dresses is funnier than P.S. I Love You. I laughed several times because of Heigl's expressions. I found this film is entertaining. Especially when she gave the "Jeez" and "Sigh". Meanwhile, I cried on PS. I Love You. Yupes, I admit it. Not a new thing for me, since I don't know why the tears easily dropped when I watched specified movies. My logic reason would be I always put myself into the characters in films or even books. Another part of me says that it is because I have similar experiences or anxiousness.
Anyway, the story of PS. I Love You is not really special one, while 27 Dresses's more unique. Though both of them have the Cinderella's symptom, to live happily ever after with a prince charming.
One thing which I want to underline here. In both films, I learn that life is not a mathematical thing. It doesn't have any exact formula or calculation. Life can be ended immediately, like Gerry in P.S. I Love You. Life can be ironic when you really know that you want to get married asap but all you've got is to be bridesmaid for 27 times like Jane in 27 Dresses. It can be desperate enough that our future isn't as good as we imagined while we were younger. We may only have underpaid job and we don't like it just like Holly (P.S. I Love You). Or our idol isn't as great as we think, maybe he just a person who know how to perform well in the stage or mass media but don't really believe in what they did, like Doyle (27 Dresses).
And both of them tell us that lifetime partners may appeared in the middle of nowhere. Just popped-up without any previous notice. Sometimes it even not the one who we think we are looking for...
One thing last for me, to questioned myself...
If the lifetime partner may occur all of sudden, why I still find a lot of questions about "What are your requirements of your ideal partner?". Do we really have to put a list, divided into three sections. The must have, ideally and the big NO.
Shall we? 
For me, it sounds useless... 
* Image was taken from Microsoft Clip Art
** Thanks to Angie and Maiden for the tutor how to put YM! Emoticon.
Keep on reading...
[coincidental reason]
I just reviewed my email. I checked the unimportant things and somehow I dragged to the latest email in that account. Why did I do this? Nothing, I am simply an unemployed person. I have time to do anything though it is not necessary. So, I scrolled down and up, picked some emails to be read some. Clicked on the non-forwarded ones. The emails which have to be like mails, except the technology. HeHeHe...
In that account, as a matter of fact I have several accounts, the oldest one was received on June 2000. Almost 8 years ago. It is from my senior in high school. At that time I was trying to learn things to get into university years. I tried the national test to see whether I am lucky enough. Yes, I put the lucky word there, because I am not confident enough that I can beat others. That I am greater than them.
Anyway, I failed. I felt disappointed at that moment. Not because that I really want to go to the public universities. It is because I have to let go one of my
dream, my personal goal for years. Since the first time I remember, what profession I want to do, I always put being a doctor in the first stage. I changed so many times, new things always interesting. But, one thing for sure... Get a MD. Years passed, I upgraded it to be a surgeon. HeHeHe... Guess that is one reason among others why I love to watch
Grey's Anatomy.
Thankfully I had second option. I found out about psychology. I didn't really understand what it will gonna be. What will I learn. What kind of job for its graduates. In Indonesia, psychology starts to booming on 2000, at least by my own opinion. I just thought that I can keep my interest on social things. If I can heal physical condition, then perhaps I can with psychological things.
At the first semester, I enjoyed it so much. My father asked me whether I want to try another shot for the national test, to try to get my dream MD. I refused. I feel that this is me. I heard how my friends were doing in medical faculty. Jeez, totally I can't. Years passed by. I have so much interest with counseling and social psychology. Clinical is on the list, but I still not confident enough with my memory capabilities. I don't like to memorize everything, to be like a dictionary. Too lazy with it.
And here I am. Standing as a bachelor of psychology. Still not doing anything directly to cure others' psychological conditions. As a matter of fact, my proposed postgraduate is not counseling. Has an indirect connection with social psychology. Still has a big dream with them, especially counseling one. But, I have to be a little logic here. To be a certified counselor, I have to work so many years and will cost a lot of resources (time and money).
It doesn't mean that I don't want to sacrifice that much. It just not logic for me. I can't keep on learn and learn with money from my parents all the time, can I?
So, for whatever it may takes, I will take the way round. I am not sure whether I am doing the right thing or not. What will I gonna be in the next few years. No idea at all. I even get a little confused about what will I do after graduated. Yes, I have the options but it is not complete.
One thing for sure, there is no such coincidence in this life. Everything happens for something, for a reason.
There is a big picture for each of us, we have to put the puzzle one by one.
Just like for what happened before.
I do believe that.
*Image was taken from Microsoft Clip Art.
Keep on reading...
[compromise]
What we think it is good, not always good for others.
What we think it is great, not always be perceived that way.
Communicate, discuss and make a
compromise.
Guess it is the most proper option!
Happy Valentine's Day!!!
Love and beloved.
Keep on reading...
HUAAAA...
